17 blocks from barneys

The French say there are two times when you should drink champagne: when you’re happy and when you’re sad.

Last night, I made my triumphant return to alcohol after a 9-day hiatus brought on by a vicious prescription. It was not all for nothing, however, because I learned a few key lessons about life:

1. I will never get pregnant. 9 days was bad. 9 months? Uncalled for.

2. If you mix Perrier and cranberry juice together, it almost almost tastes like a cocktail.

3. Veuve Clicquot is as close as one may get to heaven.

Take out a loan, buy a few bottles and bring them to your Thanksgiving table. You and your guests will be extremely grateful you did.

For the past few months, I have been living and breathing the new Spring 2009 Liz Claiborne collection by Isaac Mizrahi (shh! no one is supposed to really know that yet). I wish I could give you a sneak peek, but that would surely end my career faster than I could say “fabulous!”

I will, however, tell you this: you. will. die.

Merchandise will hit stores in February. Mark your calendars, mo fo’s.

Just when you find a reason to live, you find a better blog than your own – written by a 12-year-old.

Style Rookie is an irritatingly amazing fashion journal by Tavi, the prepubescent prodigy. At the same age I was playing with Barbies in Umbro shorts and puffy painted shirts, she’s dressing herself up in outfits that make Chloe Sevigny seem like Rainbow Brite.

Clearly a 30-year-old stuck inside an underdeveloped waify shell – her social studies teacher sent her blood pressure to an “all time high” (do 12-year-olds even have blood pressure?) – even her witty writing makes me want to call it quits.

If you decide to take a peek, just make sure to remove all sharp objects from the room. Otherwise, I’ll see you in hell (the place reserved for those who dare make fun of 12-year-olds).

[image via tavi-thenewgirlintown.blogspot.com]

…and a feathery bow tie. Who knew nature could be so natty? The French, def obvi.

If you don’t do this, I will beat you with a stick. Most likely near somewhere nature didn’t intend.

[Image via Impasse 13]

Clearly the second most important reason you should vote @$#* NO to Proposition 8.

[Photo via gawker.com]

Carolina Herrera as worn by Renee Rockefellar.

Attn Rene: a little make-up wouldn’t hurt.

[Image via Style.com]

Because I’m sure many of you are chomping at the crust to know more info on my family’s upcoming NYC Pizza Tour, the location list has been finalized! If you agree or disagree with any of the choices or have a superior suggestion, please let me know. If you know a good cardiologist, ditto.

[drum roll, s'il vous plait]

1.  Lombardi’s : : 32 Spring St.
2.  John’s : : 260 W. 44th or 831 3rd Ave  (bet. 51st and 52nd)
3.  Patsy’s : : 2287 1st Ave (bet. 117th and 118th)
4.  Presidential : : 357 W. 125th
5.  Bleeker Street : : 69 7th Ave. S.
6.  Una Pizza Napoletana : : 349 E. 12th St
7.  No. 28 : : 28 Carmine St.

For those of you not paying attention to this guy, you can redeem yourself by paying attention to this guy.

[Photo via The Impossible Cool]

This should be my last post ever for I have achieved all goals I ever set in life. For the past two days, I had the extreme pleasure of working at an ad campaign shoot with my very favorite, Mr. Isaac Mizrahi. Although we never formally met, I’m sure he was a little freaked out by the girl who just kept staring at him.

Then this happened: yesterday the man, himself, walked over to me and said, “you look so cute!”

Goodbye world. I nailed it.

[photo by my blackberry]